My eldest son is currently completing the final piece of coursework for his A Level English which is looking at the the language used in pre and post watershed TV. To do this he is looking at various measures such as the complexity of words. One of the things he wanted to do was to look at the number of words by the number of letters. No problem I thought I must be able to find something on the web to do that. But an extensive Google search turned up nothing, perhaps because it is difficult to describe.

At that point I decided that I could do it myself and set off to write a PHP script to do it and you can see the results here! Cut and paste some text into the box below and hit the submit button and you will see a very crude set of results and a great looking bar chart courtesy of Google Charts.

It’s not perfect, it will only work for Western European characters and only for words up to 20 characters in length but it does the trick - enjoy!

Oh, and this is the chart for this article

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The “offer” left was spotted by boy 2 while in WH Smiths - mind you I would have to be paid to take New Kids on the Block CD!

As Mat would say “Fail!”

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It’s the time of year when everyone seems to turn to introspection and my letter box is filled with those blasted round-robin letters - why can’t these people get blogs like normal people?

Anyway, so as not to be left out this is my review of the year:

January

After the excesses of December we implement a one month spending freeze but this doesn’t extend to visits to Costa. One half of our best friends leaves for an 18 month secondment to Australia.

February

Suddenly find myself without a job after a falling out with my employer. Spurs me onto starting my own business Ammat Consulting and the search begins for clients. The other half of our best friends (and their kids) leaves for Australia. This makes us sad

March

Having struggled to keep my weight down I decide it is time for some drastic action and visit a hypnotherapist. It is a very strange sensation but I am not sure if I am more conscious about what I eat due to the hypnotism or just because the thought is more in my mind due to the sessions. Either way I lose weight.

Alternative therapies are to become a theme for this year.

April

Holiday in Florida. Every time we go we say that this will be our last time and enjoy it so much that we plan to go again. Can Alex be persuaded to go again in 2011?

May

Had an interview with a local software company about becoming their CEO but after a few weeks of negotiations it became clear that the incumbent MD was not going to give up his position easily so I walked away.

Meanwhile Alex had his first visits to potential universities ready for next year.

June

Alex takes his AS Levels and I queue outside O2 for the iPhone 3GS.

July

Mat with his guitar orchestra takes place in the regional finals of a national competition at the Festival Hall in Birmingham.

It’s a month for revisiting old friends. Firstly I meet up with Ella, a friend that I went to primary school with and haven’t seen for quite a few years and secondly I revisit Portsmouth with Alex to look round the University. Some things haven’t changed since my days there, others greatly.

Take an Insignia for a test drive.

August

Alex scores a set of fantastic AS Level results celebrates by spending a weekend ill at the Reading festival.

Quacks refuse to syringe my ear. I decide that there is no way I want to be spending 24 hours on a plane with blocked ears and so take matters into my own hands and go for hopi candle treatment. It doesn’t work and I come out smelling like a bonfire.

September

Helen and I step on a plane to fly to Australia to see our friends. This makes us happy

October

Collect my new car.

November

New car pays its first visit to the garage. Told that they couldn’t find any problem but they have done a software update. I am beholden to a team of programmers to make my car work. After 20 years in the industry this makes me more than a little nervous.

December

It snows giving us a white Christmas and a frozen boiler!

So that’s it for 2009.

What? You want to know why it is titled “Facebook, Face Bar and Face Palm”? Well 2009 was the year where I got back in contact with many friends from Portsmouth via Facebook, Alex spent many nights partying at the Face Bar and Mat spent much of the year doing the face palm whenever I open my mouth! Oddly Helen didn’t do anything face related this year.

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The picture to the right is of my knee following our first family bike ride out to Dinton Pastures. Given the amount of rain recently it won’t be a great surprise that it was pretty muddy and slippery under wheel. Helen had the advantage of mud guards on her bike and going slower, whereas Mat and I were mudguardless and consequently got covered.

Nevertheless a good time was had by all and providing the temperature doesn’t drop too much we shall be repeating the journey a few more times this winter.

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Driving home this evening I was amazed at the number of cyclists that were cycling on the roads without lights. There were at least half a dozen idiots that were willing to risk their lives and get mown down by a car. Actually, there could have been a few more that I didn’t see as they didn’t have any lights.

Given that I was driving past the university there is a good chance that they could have been students, although one was a mother with a young child on a seat behind her.

And then my mind drifted back 25 years to when I was at university and the first time that I was stopped by the police. for cycling without lights on my bike. To be fair to me I DID have lights it was just that the batteries didn’t work. An excuse I seem to remember using on the bobby.

I can remember the evening very clearly. I was off to see my girlfriend and was cycling through Southsea when this policeman appeared in front of me. He told me that it was dangerous to cycle on such a busy road at night without lights (well duh!) and that I should get off and push. He somewhat spoilt the whole thing by actually saying “I want you to get off and push. What you do when you get round the corner and are out of my sight is up to you”. Inevitably I pushed round the corner and then got on and cycled the rest of the way. Well, I had a lady waiting! I did, however, manage to procure a set of batteries for the return journey.

So on the one hand I am clearly a hypocrite but on the other those cyclists are bloody hard to see with no lights. If only they would push until they were round the corner and out of my sight.

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I have just returned to the UK on the back of eight individual flights to see the news that British Airways is to start charging to choose your seats.

I have flown BA a number of times in the past, in fact there was a seven month period in my life where I fly with them to and from Amsterdam every week. I like BA and I consider them to be a premium brand.

When I fly for business and cost is an issue I will choose a low cost carrier. When I fly on holiday and with the family I like to get the holiday off to good start and choose to premium carrier. What differentiates the two are things like food included in the flight and being able to check-in online and choose seats and ensure the family flies together. Now BA have removed those differentiators.

So why should I continue to fly BA? I am really struggling to find an reason.

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The final day of our holidays and another hot and steamy day in Hong Kong. We decided to spend the day away from the city and get a  bit of culture with a visit to the Po Lin Monastery & Big Buddha. This was a trip on the MTR (Hong Kong’s underground) followed by a bus journey up steep and windy roads.

I know that it is called the “Big Buddha” but I wasn’t prepared for just how big it actually is – it is huge. Just how they managed to get it to its position I have no idea. (A quick look at wikipedia shows that it was only built in 1993 so I can imagine plenty of heavy lifting gear being involved – also given that it cost $68M they had the money to put it there). It is reached up 260 steps and I made this trip (Helen sensibly elected to stay in the shade) at just about midday – talk about mad dogs and Englishmen. Around the base are a number of smaller statues. The setting is impressive set amongst the hills.

The monastery at the base of the Buddha was a beautiful and tranquil place with the shady areas providing some relief from the searing heat.

We had intended to get the cable car back down to the bottom and the train station but it was shut so it was back on the bus. Fortunately we didn’t have Michael Schumacher as our driver on the way back down.

Given our flight back to the UK wasn’t until midnight we had plenty of time to kill and so we took the ferry back to Kowloon to go to the Avenue of Stars. This had the handprints of a number of famous Asian stars. Not up on my Asian cinematography there were only a handful of people I actually recognised (Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee). There was a great statue of Lee in a pose from Enter the Dragon.

Then the trip to the airport and the long wait for the plane back home.

Click here for more pictures from Hong Kong Day Two

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We seem to have found ourselves a great hotel here in Hong Kong, well I say “we” but the credit should go to Trailfinders if I am honest. Not only is it well positioned with a great room overlooking the harbour, it also has free wifi, breakfast included and a HK$100 allowance for the mini bar. I can’t remember what we paid now but it wasn’t a kings random.

After breakfast of omelette and fried rice we hit the city or more accurately the heat of the city hit us. I have no idea what the temperature is here but but I am guessing that it is similar to Sydney and Cairns but the difference here is that it is some much more humid.

We caught a bus to Central and then wandered through the heart of the city to the Peak Tram station. Most of the walk was on a high level walkway traversing the city from one high- class shopping centre to another. The air conditioned centres were a welcome break from the sweaty heat outside. We then caught a tram to The Peak which was an interesting experience as it was pretty steep. The top was full of tacky shops but there was a tourist free walk around the top along Laugard and Harlech Roads which had some fantastic views over the city below. Stupidly we convinced ourselves that it wouldn’t be too bad to walk back to the hotel. We were wrong.

In the evening we caught the Star ferry to Kowloon and then a taxi to the night markets. This was a few streets of stalls selling all sorts of knockoff goods and cheap “traditional” Chinese items – it was great! We found a restaurant for some dinner and ordered what would have have had a home. We were delighted to find that special fried rice and sweet and sour pork tastes the same no matter where you are.

We got back to the ferry terminal just as the nightly light show was starting. As you look across the harbour the lights on the skyscrapers opposite flash in time to the music playing – it is a great sight.

Click here for more pictures from Hong Kong Day One

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So our final day in Melbourne and Australia was spent packing up all our stuff and making Grant and Sharon’s house look respectable before we left the country. We have had a great couple of weeks, seen some fantastic things and caught up with our best friends who we now won’t see again (other than on Skype) for a year. So it is with mixed feelings that we boarded the flight to Hong Kong this afternoon. Fortunately it is not straight back home as we have a couple of days to explore Hong Kong before making our way back to the UK.

I am composing this on the flight and the excitement of having a power point in my seat has now turned to disappointment as it does not seem to be delivering any power to my laptop adaptor. Therefore, with a battery life of only two and a half hours it looks like I won’t get anything significant done other than this post.

Arrived at HK late and crashed.

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Another day of travelling (the first of a few coming up) this time making the return journey from Cairns to Melbourne. We left Grant & Sharon and the girls, who we have been with for the last couple of weeks, in Cairns to continue their holiday while we make our way back (to their) home.

A couple of interesting taxi rides (sorry, it’s a slow news day). The first to Cairns airport was in a Toyota Prius of great interest to car buffs and greens (when I say greens I mean those interested in the environment rather than cabbages). I wouldn’t have realised it was a Prius if it wasn’t for the large display set into the dashboard showing the energy recovery and battery usage.

We have made several “interesting” taxi journeys now between Melbourne airport and the house. Today, however, was different as we were making it alone. The service here is notable for two things – firstly they ask you which way you would like them to take you and secondly that unlike British cabbies they have little or no local knowledge and will ask you the way when close-ish to your destination!

The cabbie today duly asked me which way I wanted to go and I replied the “cheapest” (is there any other way?). He laughed and then proceeded to take us the most convoluted route to date which came to almost exactly the same cost as usual. Helen guided him in.

Tomorrow we say goodbye to Aus and make our way to Hong Kong.

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Just got time for a short post today having had a long day at the Barrier Reef and what an amazing day it was. The Reef is undoubtedly one of the natural wonders of the world and it was wonderful to experience it first hand. Unfortunately this meant having to get my feet wet. In fact I needed to get way more than my feet wet – I needed to snorkel which for someone who is not the worlds greatest swimmer was a real challenge.

After donning my flippers, goggles and snorkel Helen and I gingerly made our way to the edge of the platform and we were off. I could hear my deep, heavy breathing as I put my head down into the water for the first time and boy was it worth it. The waters were crystal clear and the view was just great. Fishes everywhere and coral just a few feet below the surface.

We spent maybe 30 – 45 minutes in our first session before taking a break. Our second date with the waters was less successful as I got a bit panicked as water came first into my goggles and consequently my nose and then my mouth. In reality there couldn’t have been more than a tea spoonful of water but it was enough to put me off. So after another 30 minute session I was ready to make my way back to the pontoon.

Although I had taken some disposable cameras with me I had also hired a digital, underwater, camera and this meant that I could get some really fantastic shots. Haven’t sorted them all yet but click through below for a sneak preview.

Despite my lack of liking for water today was one of the highlights of the holiday.

Click here for more pictures of the Great Barrier Reef

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Our first full day in Cairns was spent amongst the rainforest bordering the city. This involved a trip on Skyrail which is a cable car system that runs above the canopy of the forest. Once over the peak of the first hill you could no longer see Cairns and ahead was nothing but green forest and some spectacular views. You could hear the noise of the forest below you and see the Cockatoos flying from tree to tree. 

There were a couple of stops on the way up that allowed us to walk around the rainforest and get some views over a waterfall. The final stop was in a place called Kuranda, a pleasant town catering for those arriving on Skyrail or the Kuranda railway. We spent a couple of hours here having lunch and doing some present shopping. I bought a new hat and have convinced myself that I now look like Crocodile Dundee, although I am not sure that is a great look and certainly will be unique around Reading!

We then boarded the Kuranda Scenic Railway for the journey back to Cairns. This takes a winding route back down taking in many spectacular views of the Barren Falls, the rainforest and the gorge.

The weather was perfect and it was a great day out. Now I’m off to wrestle a croc in my new hat!

Click here to see more pictures from Skyrail and Kuranda Scenic Railway

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Today was a day spent travelling, so not much to report.

It is easy to forget just how big Australia is. To get from Melbourne to Cairns it took us 3 1/2 hours flying time - I could cover a good part of Europe in that time. The in-flight movie was “Angels and Demons” so I was glad that I had my laptop with me and could watch what I wanted – a few old episodes of Doctor Who.

On arrival in Cairns and after checking into our hotel, we took a walk along the front and into the shopping district. It seems that there are only three types of shops in Cairns – they are either a) a cafe/restaurant, b) a place selling trips to the Great Barrier Reef and other local attractions or c) somewhere to get cheap hats, tee shirts and flip flops. We made use of both the former and bought all three from the latter. It seems Cairns fulfils only purpose and that is to satisfy the needs of every tourist.

Tomorrow we are the tourist.

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After the rush of the last few days we had a quieter one today, closer to home. We had decided to go into Melbourne for one last time to take in the Dali exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria, followed by some shopping and finally a trip to the aquarium. In the end we ran out of time and could only manage the first two.

The Dali exhibition only served to prove to me that he was a mad genius. His earlier works showing a real skill for paint work before the surrealism worked its way through.

In Brunswick Street were a number of eclectic shops selling all manner of things from bespoke jewellery to second hand books. Helen and I wandered along the street before heading back to the centre and a browse around more traditional shops.

Tonight we will be packing for our trip to Cairns. Looking at the temperature there all we will be needing are shorts and “thongs”.

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Our penultimate day in Melbourne was spent in an area called the Dandenongs, a local national park. One of the best ways to see the Dandenongs is from the Puffing Billy steam train which runs from Belgrave up into the park. Once the only reliable means of getting around the area it is now a popular tourist attraction. Even today, which was pretty wet, the train was full. It was a great shame that the weather was as wet as it was because we couldn’t really make the most of the views. Nevertheless the train going over the wooden bridge, above, still made for a fantastic shot.

Click here to see more pictures from Puffing Billy and the Dandenongs

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A second day on the Great Ocean Road starting with breakfast overlooking Apollo Bay. The panoramic picture above was taken from our hotel balcony. We then drove on to the twelve apostles which are eight (previously nine) rock formations just offshore. Just a short drive on from the apostles was the Loch Ard Gorge which reminded me very much of the setting of the book The Beach. Both were, just like yesterday, fabulous.

Our final stop was to the Triple Falls which was back inland and a change from the ocean views of the rest of the trip. It’s amazing how small an amount of water can create such spectacular waterfalls.

Then the dull drive back to Melbourne.

Click here for yet more pictures from the Great Ocean Road

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Today we left Melbourne for a two day trip down the Great Ocean Road, a twisty costal route that runs for hundreds of miles to the west of the city. After a dull drive out of Melbourne, past Geelong, we picked up the road at Anglesea and from there to our overnight destination overlooking Apollo Bay were fantastic vistas overlooking the ocean around every corner. It would be all too easy to stop ever few miles and get out onto yet another sandy beach with miles of blue sea in front but there simply wasn’t time to do them all.

We stopped at the very first beach we came to, just south of Anglesea, and wandered down onto the sands. Despite the sun being out we pretty much had the place to ourselves and so it was for the rest of the day. Next stop was Split Point Lighthouse before going on to Lorne Pier for dinner. Here we shared our pasta lunch with an enormous rook of some description which first came and took our butter followed by eating out of the bowl once Helen had finished!

We then drove on through Apollo Bay to Maits Rest. This is a walkway through a temperate rain forest which was a real contrast to all the open beaches we had seen to that point. Finally we drove onto Cape Otway Lighthouse which once again had some dramatic views over the ocean.

We had been told by Grant and Sharon that there were Koalas in the trees by the road to Cape Otway. On the way down we hadn’t spotted any but on the way back the tell tale signs of tourists staring into the trees signalled the possibility. So we stopped and sure enough there they were sleeping in the branches and looking cute and cuddly! It was such a thrill to see them in the wild.

Finally, we drove back to Skenes Creek and our hotel which is situated high on a hill over looking the bay with fantastic views. As I type this I am sat on the balcony looking at the wide expense of the ocean below me.

Today has just been fantastic. The scenery has been absolutely stunning and some of the most beautiful I have seen anywhere in the world. To also see wildlife in it’s natural habitat rather than a zoo is the icing on the cake.

And we have another full day of it tomorrow!

Click here for more pictures from the Great Ocean Road

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We had a quiet day today after Sydney and took a stroll from the house down to the beach. As you will see from the pictures the beach is lined with brightly coloured beach huts of the kind that people pay silly money for on the South coast of England.

The walk down Dendy Street allowed us a closer look at the houses here. There is an amazing mix of styles and it is not unusual to find an ultra modern house next to a very traditional one. Clearly the Australians are not constrained by planning rules in the same way we seem to be in the UK.

Despite the amount of land here each plot is relatively small with little garden to speak of. By and large each house is well tended and those that have gardens are keen to point out that they are using rain water rather than precious tap water. Many of the older properties have attractive looking verandas at the front with inviting looking benches or chairs. However, I have yet to see anyone sat out there!

Click here to see more pictures of Brighton Beach

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Today was our last day in Sydney and it was a scorcher with the temperature nudging 30 degrees. We started the day with a trip to the markets of The Rocks. The stalls were packed with the sort of items that you see at a craft fair in the UK only with an Aussie twist and without the drizzle. We were able to stock up on gifts for people back home so if you are reading this and receive something you’ll know where it came from.

After lunch and an ice cream we spent the rest of the afternoon on the opposite bank to The Rocks in the Botanical Gardens. It was nice to spend some time amongst the shade of the trees. The gardens were also full of wildlife including Royal Ibis, parrots and fruit bats. I had always thought bats were nocturnal but these were very active in the late afternoon sun flying from tree to tree and making a great racket.

Then it was time to head for the airport and the flight back to Melbourne. We flew with Virgin Blue who seemed to the Australia’s equivalent of EasyJet which super fast turnarounds and a charge for pretty much anything and everything.

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Today we took the ferry over to Manly which is a seaside resort for Sydney. The weather at 30 degrees was perfect for a trip to the beach and much of Sydney agreed.Manly has a long, straight, pedestrianised street with shops either side leading to the beach which is long, sandy, touristy and packed (well it was today).As ever you just had to walk a little bit away from the main drag for things to be very different. Just a half an hour stroll away from the beach were some fantastic views over the ocean with clear blue waters and skies. Also it was completely clear of people too making it a really relaxing place to be. As you can see from the pictures below it was just stunning.

See more pictures of Manly

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