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Spent the last weekend in Newcastle, ostensibly to visit the Uni with Mat but it also gave Helen and I an excuse for a weekend away somewhere we hadn’t been before.

Rather than what would have been a five hour car journey we elected to let the train take the strain, which was a lot more relaxing.

The first shock on reaching Newcastle and stepping into a taxi was that they speak a different language up there and we had left our phrase book behind! The taxi driver was just incomprehensible.

While Mat looked round the Uni, Helen and I sneaked off to check out the town. Compact is how I would describe it. We were easily able to work the length and breadth of the city, taking in all the sites, without too much trouble.

They clearly like bridges in Newcastle with about five in a very short stretch of the Tyne but the most impressive of the lost has to be the Gateshead Millennium Bridge which looks stunning at night. The Tyne bridge was also impressive looking like the Sydney Harbour Bridge but what I really liked was how the buildings seemed to be squeezed into the surrounding space – it really reminded me of the descriptions in Iain Banks ‘The Bridge’.

A bonny time was had by all as you will see from the pictures below:

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I have sat here for a while wondering whether I should press Publish on this post given the sensitivity of the content. But social media in the 21st century seems to allow things to be aired that previously wouldn’t have been acceptable – like my testicles for example. Those of a sensitive disposition look away now.

Men of a certain age are told to regularly check their testicles. This has always seemed like pretty redundant advice to me since that’s what most men have been doing since birth anyway. It was during one of these regular root arounds that I discovered a lump. One’s mind immediately fears the worst and conjures up words beginning with C. A visit to the doctor resulted in some diagrams of my internal workings that I haven’t seen since junior school and the assurance that it was probably nothing to worry about but it would be worth getting it properly checked out. So a date with the local NHS hospital was booked.

At the allotted hour I turn up at the hospitals x-ray department and am ushered to a waiting room full of people of all ages, many of whom were clearly not here to have their balls scanned. Over the next 30 minutes or so the waiting room empties and fills again as people get served.

I had by this point already worked out who would be the nurse scanning my boys. He was a young chap who would regularly come out and call someone’s name and then when they stepped forward cheerfully say “Hi! I’m Matt” thrusting his hand out to greet them. Therefore, when my name was eventually called, it was a great surprise to find that it was being called by the young, attractive, brunette. Taking this in my stride I decided that this would be no problem as the NHS has rules about this sort of thing doesn’t it? There would be a male nurse also present to make sure that she didn’t jump me while I was in the room with the crown jewels out.

The nurse’s opening gambit was to tell me to drop my trousers and pants and to “grab hold of my penis, pulling it upwards towards my belly button and hold it tightly there”. So just the two of us then? Yep. I did as requested and lay on the bed. At this point there was lubrication involved but I think that’s a topic for only a man and his nurse.

I have to commend her in that at no point during the examination did she ever sneak a peak at my tackle, her gaze was firmly fixed on the screen in front of her. The downside of this inattentiveness was that her eyes were not on the job in hand, so to speak, and therefore there was a certain lack of delicacy of touch. Her decision to concentrate ahead also meant that she missed the contortions of my face as she tried to push my balls through my body and out my anus.

Given that this was an ultrasound scan there was a great temptation to say something like “is it a boy or a girl?” or “can I get a picture to show the girls at work?” but I decided that these were probably a bit clichéd and so I went with “so did you volunteer for this job or did you just get lucky?” This was met with a polite smile and a revelation that this was one of the easier parts to scan – the mind boggles.

And then the diagnosis. It was a C but in this case a cyst and as the doctor said, nothing to be concerned about. I was able to leave the hospital happy that I was all in working order but slightly stickier around the edges and with walking like John Wayne.

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Dodgy have reformed and that is good enough for me to venture out on a Wednesday night in January to see them play live in, of all places, the Arlington Arts Centre, just outside of Newbury. This seemed like an odd venue given that it is the arts block of the Mary Hare school for profoundly deaf children.

For a band that were at their height quite a few years ago now the gig last night must have felt like starting out all over again. There were probably under 250 people there in what the Dodgy website will no doubt describe as “intimate”!

There were a couple of issues with last night’s gig. The first was that the new “album” isn’t released until February and so the first half of the set, which was all new music, was enjoyable but hard going as I like to practice at home before hearing music live. I thought that the new world order dictated that bands now release music to promote a tour as that is where the money is rather than tour to promote the music but clearly not in Dodgy’s case!

The other issue was not mine but Dodgy’s. To be fair it was actually only leadman Nigel Clarke’s issue in that he likes playing the new music but is now bored of the hits that everyone had actually come along to hear. I can really sympathise with that but while the new music showed a real return to form for the band actually we all love to hear the hits too. So the second half of the set was almost entirely the sing-along tunes you love Dodgy for, including my all time favourite, Cold Tea. But you cannot please everyone it seems as the friend I went with was disappointed as they didn’t play Good Enough. However, given that they went off without playing an encore I strongly suspect that this had been intended but the clock ticked past 11pm and the curfew hour for the venue.

Anyway, it was an enjoyable night in an “intimate” venue and the very welcome return of Dodgy – welcome back guys!

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It’s around this time of the year that, for the last couple of years at least, that I have written a very short summary of my year. This year I am not going to and this is why.

I was introduced to my first computer when I was 11 – it looked very much like the one on the left and I was hooked. (Before any pedants point it out I know that this isn’t actually a computer but a teletype connected to one, at the Rutherford Appleton Labs in my case.) Anyway in the intervening time I have seen many changes including the explosion in social networking tools such as blogs, Facebook, Google+, Twitter et al. This has led to much more personal information being available as individual’s share their lives with people hoping that others might find it interesting. I very much subscribe to that point of view.

However, it has become increasingly clear that some readers don’t take the information at face value and twist what they see for their own purposes which is not the reason I write at all. So I am left with a few choices namely to stop, carry on regardless or self-moderate.

I have no intention of stopping as I enjoy the my blog even if no-one else does, it also serves as an excellent record of the things that I enjoy in life, my family and the things we do together.

Given the circumstances self-moderation seems like the only option which to an extent I already do but I am slightly miffed that I should have to watch my words  just to ensure that others don’t misinterpret what I might say but then again I am not going to let a small minority stop doing what I enjoy.

So there!

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We have just finished a round of university visits with our younger son adding a further five destinations to the five we saw with our eldest son a couple of years ago. The difference between them all has been quite striking.

Over the ten we have seen a mixture of traditional, red brick, ex-polytechnics and new converts.

The format for each open day is pretty similar. There are general talks on why you should study at x, a fair with stands on accommodation, welfare, finance etc and then course specific talks and exhibitions. What makes the difference is in the execution – both when you register and what happens when you turn up on the day.

Registration is typically a web-based affair with email confirmations. This worked well with the exception of KCL whose email never arrived and despite two emails and phone calls to chase no agenda ever appeared so we didn’t go.

Turning up on the day can also be an interesting experience particularly when it is your alma mater and you think you know where everything is but actually has changed radically in the intervening years. There are crowds of parents with lone children all wandering, lost, looking for their sessions. As with everything else in life first impressions count so it is these first few moments that really make the difference between a good and indifferent day.

What is clear is that those that have the better reputations were the least well organised, Bristol in particular was a nightmare and was the only Uni not to hand out maps of the campus to help you find your way around. While others went out of their way to make you feel welcome, Portsmouth even laying on sandwiches.

It can be no coincidence that those with the better reputation and will not have any trouble in filling their places perhaps feel that they don’t have to make that much effort. My feeling is that given that we will be handing over £9,000 a year in fees the very least that I can expect is a printed map.

One area that we almost always visit is the accommodation, although I don’t know why as they all look the same – just like a Travelodge. It is also clear that you are only ever shown girls rooms judging by the pictures on display, the pink duvets and the fact that the rooms are clean and you can see the floor!

The real important factor though is the quality of the teaching. You would expect to be presented to by the best lecturer that the particular faculty has to offer but if some that we visited had followed this then heaven help those that choose to study there. Others, on the other hand, excelled. Bristol managed to redeem itself by rolling out Dave Cliff who seemed to be the tigger of computer science and while clearly very intelligent also had a knack of making complex subjects accessible – something that is important when 50%+ of the audience is parents.

What is strange for me is that my youngest son is looking to study Computer Science, the very same course that I took some 25 years ago. Listening to the descriptions of the course outlines you could be forgiven for thinking that nothing had changed in the intervening years. There are modules on operating systems, programming, business analysis etc. But of course it has changed. I did my work on a PDP-11 and coded in Fortran now it is an array of blades and Java. Plus ça change.

The overriding feeling that I was left with was that if you have a choice of a handful with the same entry requirements you are going to come out of it with a reasonable degree and what is important is the the environment feels right for you. Mat now has to get that feeling and make a choice…

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Our final morning in Edinburgh before we headed back south.

To fill the time this morning we were recommended the Scott Monument by the guy behind the the desk at our hotel. Actually it wasn’t a hotel but an aparthotel, which is exactly as it sounds – an apartment rented by the day. I have been to this particular one a number of times now and I would highly recommend it. Anyway, given that whenever we are away with friends of ours we always have to find a tower to climb it seemed appropriate to climb one in his home nation in his honour.

The monument itself isn’t that high but the stairs to the top get progressively narrower until you reach the very top when it is too narrow for the average American to squeeze through. Fortunately being so slim and svelte myself I got through without any problems… At the top you get a good view across the city and it not being very large you can see the edges, something you would struggle to do in, say, London.

And that was all we had time for pretty much. We wandered back along Princes Street stopping only in Waterstones before heading off to the airport and back home.

You can see all the pictures from our Edinburgh trip here.

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After spending much of yesterday being crushed between tour groups we decided that today we would go off the beaten track a little and head away from the heart of the city towards Leith.

Our first destination was Dean Village, an area of attractive looking buildings which were, no doubt, once home to the cities poor but now are the preserve of those with money. This was also our starting point to pick up the Leith Walk an attractive riverside pathway alongside the Water of Leith. Unfortunately the “Water of Scotland” was also descending upon us from above and so we abandoned the walk and got a bus the rest of the way to the docks.

Link many other cities the Leith docks have undergone some regeneration and now has a smart new shopping centre with the Royal Yacht Britannia moored alongside. The rest of the docks needs a bit more work it is fair to say.

Once the rain had died down we caught a bus back towards town and headed into the Royal Botanic Garden which was stunning (and wet). I have to say that they were the best botanical gardens we have ever been into and we seem to have visited a few on our travels. However, by the time we had reached the far side it was raining steadily and so we made our way back to the comfort of our hotel.

You can see pictures from the gardens and more here.

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I have been to Edinburgh on a number of occasions and with the exception of my first visit, the weather has always been fantastic. We arrived today to what might be considered more typical conditions – overcast and drizzly.

Overcast conditions in the Cotswolds might spoil your day but the houses still have a golden glow from the limestone. The same cannot be said for Edinburgh who’s sturdy and imposing buildings seem to have been built out of the dark, grey, clouds that loom overhead.

That said Edinburgh is still a great place to visit and it’s not just me that thinks so but the thousands of tourists from overseas that you bump into every few paces at the top of the royal mile. It seems that very few coach parties make it to the bottom of the hill to see Holyrood.

The same can be said for Calton Hill which has a few interesting building on its top with architectural nods to the Greeks but thankfully few tourists.

In the evening we went for a meal in Howies on Waterloo Place which has the most understated entrance that we almost walked straight past it. That doesn’t seem to have affected trade though as it was packed.

We had a great meal but there was an awkward moment when shortly after our main course had arrived three waiters came to our table within seconds of each other to ask how our meal was. This might be taking great customer service a bit too far and I am sure that the final waitress didn’t understand when she arrived, asked if everything was ok with our meal and we both just giggled like schoolchildren!

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I know, you thought I couldn’t possibly post any more about our holiday in the States but I promise that this is the last one. Here is the holiday captured in a one and half minute video courtesy of iMovie. Enjoy!

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This year was our sixth visit to Orlando doing the park with the kids (although they’re not really kids these days). Over the years we have learnt a thing or two about making the place tick for a great holiday and I thought that I would pass on.

Obviously these tips and tricks worked well for us but, as they say your milage may vary and all information was correct at April 2011, where that is relevant.

1. Travel when Easter is at the end of the school holidays. Occasionally, every few years, Easter comes as the final weekend of the school holidays rather than in the middle and this seems to make the first week much quieter and therefore more pleasant, in the parks.

2. Don’t use walkie talkies they’re useless get phones. Walkie talkies can only operate on a limited number of frequencies, something like 20 I think. 20 divided into all the visitors in Disney with walkie talkies means that you are sharing the frequency with a lot of people and this in turn means that they have a range of about 20 paces. Mobile phones are cheap and don’t suffer from this problem – see here for info.

3. Sales tax is not included in prices. Even after all these years I still get a shock when I get to the till and the price is higher than on the ticket. Sales tax is about 7.5% in Florida at the time of writing – don’t forget to allow for it. I found this particularly annoying and don’t understand why the taxable price isn’t displayed – unless it is to deliberately confuse tourists.

4. Things are more expensive in the parks. This may seem like stating the bleeding obvious but you get a Disney price hike and nowhere is this more obvious that in the places to eat. If you are on a budget take food in.

5. It is hot. Drink plenty of water and avoid collapsing with dehydration like one (un-named) member of our party did on our first trip.

6. Bring a second empty suitcase. If you like shopping then this is the place to be but it is easy to get carried away and you are left with three choices: throw stuff you have brought with you from the UK away to make more space, buy a new suitcase or bring one with you.

7. Parking at parks $14/$15. You spent several hundred pounds on your park entry tickets so you naturally assume that there is nothing else left to pay right? Wrong! You have to pay to drive and park at the place and (currently) this is an eye-watering $14 at Disney and $15 at Universal. Obviously this adds to the overall cost of the holiday.

8. Park photos are very expensive. At the entrance to pretty much every park and on many of the rides there is the opportunity for an official photo, often with a stunning view behind. To purchase these photos costs anywhere from $18 – $25. They can be a great momento but a wallet busting one too. However, the official photographers are willing to take the same shot with your camera, which is obviously free.

9. Got a hire car? You need to know how big your tank is. If you have hired a car then ask how big the tank is in gallons before you leave the rental desk otherwise you are going to be in trouble when you fill up the tank for the first time. At the petrol (gas) station you cannot pay after you have filled up as you can in the UK. You must either pre-pay on a credit card or at the desk. To pre-pay you must have the zip code of the credit card, which you don’t have so you must pay at the desk and the first question they will ask is how much you want. You don’t want to over pay so check before hand.

10. Tipping. This is a big thing in the US. Like the UK the US has a minimum wage (currently $7.31/£4.46 per hour) but, crucially, a “tipped employee” can be paid a lower rate (currently $4.29/£2.62 per hour) on the expectation of a tip. Dig deep!

11. Right turn on red. If you get to a junction and the lights are red and you are turning right, if the coast is clear you can go. This is great and such a time saver. It should be introduced in the UK (although in the interests of safety it should be left turn on red).

12. Sell your tickets! And finally, make some money back. If you have bought 14 day park tickets and you are strongly encouraged to do so, you will be hard pressed to use all the days on them as they expire 14 days after first use. Therefore, you will almost certainly have one or possibly two days remaining on the tickets – sell them. There are a number of places down the 192 that will buy them from you. We made $60 which paid for our lunch on the last day.

A trip to Orlando and the parks is a fabulous family holiday and great for all ages and while the prices seem good there are, as outlined above, so hidden gotchas. But forewarned is forearmed. Enjoy your holiday!

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This post is some pictures that didn’t make it to the daily blog for one reason or another but I still thought were worth pointing out.

Alonso and Massa's Ferraris

The above picture is of two Ford F150s and the caption will mean nothing to you unless you follow Formula 1 very closely. Earlier this year Ferrari announced that they were going to call their cars this year F150s to celebrate 150 years of the unification of Italy. Unfortunately Ford had other ideas and sued Ferrari stating that it was their brand name and customers might get confused…

No guns thanks!

I was somewhat surprised to see the above notice on the doors to Wonderworks. It was the only time I saw such a message anywhere in Florida and was interested to note that they felt it was necessary to make that point. That said, of course, the implication could be that guns were welcome everwhere else and Micky Mouse in Disney was packing a weapon under his costume.

Please look after your children, or else

This is how the coffee shop at the Lake Buena Vista outlet deals with children of inattentive parents and having see the owners I am sure that they would carry out the threat.

Val Doonican's idea of a wet dream

Cracker Barrel is a chain of family restaurants with a remarkable side line in rocking chairs. Outside each restaurant, or at least outside the three I have been to, is a veranda stocked with rocking chairs of differing shapes and sizes. I think that this is supposed to be in keeping with the “home style” cooking that they offer.

Bistro Gourmet McDonalds

And finally, Bistro Gourmet McDonalds. Yes such a place really does exist. It’s interior is in the style of a French cafe but this is the Disney, dreamy, stylised view of a French cafe rather than the dark, smoke filled places I have been to.

In addition to the regular McDonalds fare it also offers “Exceptional chef prepared recipes”. I have to admit that I couldn’t really tell any great difference.

So that’s it for my slice of Americana this time.

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So it’s our last day and we were determined to make the most of it and pack as much in before the flight as possible.

We had chosen to go back to Universal Studios and it turned out to be an inspired move as nobody else seemed to have thought of going there.

I know I have gone on about how quieter it has been this holiday but this was just ridiculous – we got onto every ride that we wanted to within five minutes with no lines. Check out the picture, see? No lines! Unless you are the CEO of Universal Studios it was perfect.

So we did the Simpsons Ride a couple of times, Jaws and Men in Black again. The boys did Shrek 3D again while Helen and I risked the Starbucks ride! We also went into the BeetleJuice show for the first time which was a good laugh. We have avoided it in the past but given that we had all seen the film just a week ago it was more relevant.

On the way to the airport we stopped off at Perkins for what I suspect will be my last Tremendous Twelve for a while (my stomach and heart both breath a sigh of relief!)

I am glad to say that the delay this year was a much more manageable 15 minutes rather than the six plus hours two years ago and the flight itself went pretty quickly. I even managed to snatch a few hours sleep.

So that’s it for our Floridian adventures. We have said that this is our last time and we won’t be going back but then we have said that before…

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Another action packed day as we attempted squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of the holiday.

Today we returned back to Disney Hollywood Studios, what must be the family’s favourite park. This time we went on the things we hadn’t had time for last time: Indiana Jones, Lights, Motors, Action and, in Alex’s case, Rock and Roller Coaster. The latter both Helen and I went on but I refused. I might have done it if it was Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Val Doonican rather than Aerosmith. Mind you that rocking chair could get some motion going!

Following that we returned to Downtown Disney for a final trip to Ghirardelli and some waist busting ice creams and shakes.

In the evening we had booked to go to the Outta Control Magic Comedy Dinner Show. After having spent the day on our feet at the parks and then having to stand in the line waiting to go in for over 30 minutes people started to get tired and tetchy (not me this time I should add). However, once we had entered, sat down and the show had started everyone was settled.

The show itself is a one man affair. Tony Brent does a number of magic tricks and comedy skits while the audience wolfs down “unlimited” pizza. He was very good and had the Thompsons in hysterics – I particularly like the part where he go a member of the audience to tie his had together and then, behind a curtain, put his hands in and out of the rope at ease, very cool. If you are ever passing Orlando I would certainly recommend the show.

So the packing is done and all that remains now is to make our way home… almost.

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Today actually turned out to be more of a rest day than we had at first envisaged. Helen woke up early with a dodgy stomach and needed to spend much of the day nearby some porcelain which wiped out the plans we had.

This was not the glittering end to the holiday that we had planned. All we could hope for was a quick recovery so that we could get back on track tomorrow.

After the three men had gone out for dinner without Helen and got back home Mat started to complain of stomach pains too. This now leaves Alex as the only member of our party to have not suffered something similar. Hopefully he will avoid it.

So as I write this, with a day and a half to go, it is very much up in the air what we will be able to do. It will be a great shame if the last few days of our last trip to Orlando (until the grandchildren arrive!) are spoilt by a spate of dodgy tummies.

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Having done all the Disney and Universal parks last week, this week was always going to be about going back to visit favourites.

The Thompsons being a democracy means that there has been plenty of debate over the last couple of days about what we would be exactly doing in the second week. Helen and I are project managers by trade and while we didn’t produce a Gantt chart we did get pretty close!

More of a surprise was a suggestion put forward by an 18 year old who normally, given the option, wouldn’t surface from bed until the sun was setting. In order to reach the parks while it was quiet it was suggested that we get to Magic Kingdom at opening time – 8 am. In order to do that we would have to get up at 7 am. Let me just repeat that: An eighteen year old boy was suggesting that we get up at 7am in order to reach the park by 8am. And do you know what? He even managed it!

For some reason the magic that runs Disney seemed to be in short supply today when it came to transportation. When we arrived at Magic Kingdom the monorail wasn’t working and so we had to be bused in and on the way out the boat wasn’t running. To be honest I cannot remember a time in the previous five visits that this has been the case so to have both out on the same day was very bad luck.

Arriving early did enable us to pack loads in: 2x Space Mountain, 2x Thunder Mountain, 1x Buzz Lightyear and 1x People mover. However, the highlight of the day, at least for Alex, was trouncing the rest of us on the Buzz Lightyear ride. His score of 702,000 was the highest I can ever remember any of us ever getting.

After Magic Kingdom we paid our first visit this year to a Disney water park. It was decided by the organising committee that we would grace Blizzard Beach with our presence, a fact that must have got out as there we plenty of people there to greet us…

We took a lot of photos but they were taken with a waterproof film camera (remember them?) and so I cannot post them until I have them developed. Does anyone still do that? It must be a dying art surely?

By this point it was the hottest part of the day so we didn’t spend too long for fear of being burnt to a crisp but it was good fun and if I’m honest I think the boys would have stayed longer.

After such a packed day, tomorrow is a “rest day”!

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The boys, being lightweights, decided to have another morning in bed while Helen and I went for an airboat ride on Lake Tohopekaliga with Boggy Creek. We have been a couple of times before and, in our experience, you either get to see loads of wildlife or none. Today, regrettably, was a “none” day unless you consider a cow to be wildlife. Actually, that’s a bit unfair as we did see an aligator scampering away from our boat and a bald headed eagle sitting in a tree – although that was a bit like playing Where’s Wally.

Back with the boys we decided to do some crazy golf , although this being the US it was nothing like the crazy golf set up in one of the tennis courts in Knaresborough, this was ADVENTURE golf. We are talking mountains, waterfalls, boats and planes and all on a massive scale. And, unlike Knaresborough, it was hot, very hot. Great fun too even if the men were beaten the lone female!

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